Perkataan yang menyenangkan adalah seperti sarang madu, manis bagi hati dan obat bagi tulang-tulang.
Untuk ulang tahun seorang ibu, kak Lyd, tanggal 2 September yang lalu, muncul satu renungan dalam hati saya mengenang satu pengalaman “kecil” dg beliau.
Setiap interaksi di antara kita, akan memberikan dampak. Baik dan buruk, Tuhan akan memakainya untuk mendewasakan dan menyempurnakan kita.
Satu pengalaman positif saya dengan kak Lyd adalah ketika saya mengalami depresi tahun 2007 (ketika saya berumur 40 tahun). Pada saat itu, tidak mudah bagi saya untuk berjumpa dengan orang atau untuk kontak dengan orang. Misalnya, ada orang yang telpon saya (untuk bertanya kabar dan memberi nasihat), saya waktu itu tidak bisa menerimanya, secara emosi saya merasa tidak nyaman. Kalau rekan tsb telpon lagi, List yang saya minta angkat. Eh, suatu saat beliau itu ke rumah dan menginap pula :),… jadi saya agak menghindar… saya menyepi di kamar sini, beliau di kamar sana, … jadinya beliau lebih banyak ngobrol dengan List (dan Soko) š. Pada kondisi seperti itu, saya tidak bisa beradaptasi dan merasa nyaman dengan semua orang.
Salah satu yang mengunjungi saya di rumah adalah kak Lyd. Dalam kunjungan itu dia bercerita hal-hal yang rada aneh menurut saya, hal-hal/pengalaman pribadi beliau yang tidak saya duga bisa dia alami seperti itu. Hal-hal yang sebenarnya terasa memalukan, tindakan yang seperti tidak terkontrol dan “not usual me/her”. Mungkin beliau menceritakannya untuk berempati dengan saya yang kira-kira mengalami keanehan-keanehan semacam itu. š Tetapi, cerita-cerita seperti itu malah menghiburkan saya (hahahaha). Dibanding nasihat-nasihat serius, lebih enak dengar yang seperti itu (pada situasi tsb). Terima kasih, kak Lyd, saya akan selalu mengenang kebaikannya.
Jadi –saya menarik pelajaran–,
Setiap kisah hidup kita –khususnya yang buruk– akan berguna untuk orang lain. Tunggu saja saatnya, akan ada yang perlu mendengarkannya.
Tidak setiap orang cocok untuk semua orang. Santai saja. Jangan ambil bagian terlalu banyak (jangan terlalu memaksakan bahwa diri kita berarti bagi seseorang), tetapi jangan juga menarik diri terlalu eksktrem (seolah diri kita tidak bisa berarti bagi siapapun/seseorang).
Masa hidup kami tujuh puluh tahun dan jika kami kuat, delapan puluh tahun, dan kebanggaannya adalah kesukaran dan penderitaan; sebab berlalunya buru-buru, dan kami melayang lenyap.
Mzm 90:10
Perkataan yang menyenangkan adalah seperti sarang madu, manis bagi hati dan obat bagi tulang-tulang.
Within six months I was OFF from all ministry activitiesā¦ It was like entering a period of āeating grass in the fieldāā¦
This testimony was prepared as an introduction to sharing lessons at ILG, June 2022, on the theme: Leading by Influence: Leading from Brokenness. Translated by Google, refined by -mostly- Elsa Siahaan.
In 2007 I was in great enthusiasm for the growing ministry, both local and regional and national ministries. By then I had been on the staff (with The Navs) for over 13 years. And in 2007 I was about to beĀ 40, the age that is said: never diesā¦ or like the Siaās song: Unstoppable ā like a porsche, don’t need batteries to play. š
At that time, during a final trip to Kuala Lumpur/KL in March 2007, as usual I visited one or two cities beforehand: Batam and Singapore. I traveled alone. It was in Singapore that my journey came to a halt.
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While walking with a friend on Orchard Road (afternoon after lunch), my vision suddenly disappeared (I experienced a blackout), not dark but actually white. And I was about to fall unconscious, but was supported by the friend. Without heeding the traffic signs, my friend carried me across the road and we went into the nearest hospital: Mt Elizabeth Hospital.
My pulse/heart beat seemed very irregular and very fast, maybe 200bpm on average. That was what made me want to faint earlier, because the oxygen supply was not smooth. I was injected with medicine and monitored for 24 hours. About 5-6 hours later, my heart rate returned back to normal.
That night I was offered sleeping pills, but I didn’t take them, just because I’m not used to taking medicine. I’ve never been hospitalized before, and am the type who doesn’t like to take any medication.
I apparently couldn’t sleep that night which made it a long night and full of inner struggles. My mind drifted away to new things, some were the little things I have missed as the time went by. I incidentally did not bring a notebook, because I usually write down what I meditate on. Then the hospital tissue was the medium to write down the main thoughts that came to mind that night.
I was only hospitalized for one night where the next morning the doctor discharged me. The doctor said: you can go home, you can exercise again as usual, continue your trip, and so on. ā¦. But I have become a very different person since then.
Thanks to you all. You are awesome.
I felt both unable to continue the trip to KL nor to return to Indonesia. I felt very weak physically, very down and a bit confused with my condition. Then I stayed with one family of Nav Indonesia alumni. My strangest condition at that time was feeling mentally down, experiencing fear and panic easily. At that time my friend was working (at his office), while I was at home aloneā¦ and out of panic, sometimes I called him at the office asking: when are you coming home? I felt that I couldn’t seem to be left at home alone.
In addition, I also felt physically very weak. Even going up and down the stairs was difficult/hard.
However, I realized that I had to go home. At that time I did not tell my wife in Jakarta the details about my condition.
The trip home at that time was the most difficult one among other trips. I felt so weak that I was not able to lift my ownĀ luggage,Ā so I needed my friend’s help to check in the luggage. At CGK airport in Jakarta, two good friends were ready to welcome me and help me with my luggage (late mas Madyo, and bang Yona).Ā
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In Jakarta, I still often had a similar physical condition where my heart suddenly beat abnormally and rapidly, only to recover a few up to 5 hours later. I marked my calendar when the arrhythmia attacked, and how heavy. After weeks, months, the situation was getting lighter. But in one month, Nov 2007, another serious arrhythmia attacked again and I had to be hospitalized again for one night. But after that, I started to accept my condition and was ready with the arrhythmia even though it was severe.
Along with that physical condition, it felt heavier that my mental state was very down. Maybe I was not just burnt outā¦ Maybe I was depressed, ā¦ but I didn’t consult a professional. There was no such mechanism at that time. š So I had to face it by myself and felt that I was on my own. Within six months I was OFF from all ministry activitiesā¦ It was like entering a period of āeating grass in the fieldāā¦
What had been said about me came true at once. I was driven away from people. I ate grass just as cattle do. My body became wet with the dew of heaven. I stayed that way until my hair grew like the feathers of an eagle. My nails became like the claws of a bird.Ā Ā
Dan 4:33
I used to live on the 2nd floor, but due to my weak physical condition, I moved to the 1st floor. My wife and son (at that time 12years old) were on the 2nd floor. I was mentally very weak. I could often suddenly cry for no reason, loud and prolonged cryingā¦ hours. (Now when I think about it, I’m confused about how I could be like that. š)
Visits from some friends didn’t seem to have a positive effect at that time. Sometimes I even refused to meet guests or even receive phone calls, because their words often stressed me more.
Those months were the time when I struggled with the difficult situation. Trying to find a comprehensive solutionā¦ physically, attitude, emotionally, etcā¦ changing the pattern of life (exercise, food, etc.). Reassess attitudes and outlook on life.
